The Story of a Doctor's Telephone—Told by His Wife

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  THE STORY OF A DOCTOR'S TELEPHONE--TOLD BY HIS WIFE

  BY ELLEN M. FIREBAUGH Author of "The Physician's Wife"

  BOSTON, MASS.: THE ROXBURGH PUBLISHING COMPANY (Incorporated)

  Copyrighted, 1912 By Ellen M. Firebaugh

  All rights reserved

  TO MY HUSBAND

  TO THE READER.

  The telephone has revolutionized the doctor's life.

  In the old days when a horse's galloping hoofs were heard people lookedout of their windows and wondered if that wasn't someone after a doctor!The steed that Franklin harnessed bears the message now, and commentsand curiosity are stilled. In the old days thunderous knocks came oftento the doctor's door at night; they are never heard now, or so rarely asto need no mention. Neighbors have been awakened by these importunateraps: they sleep on undisturbed now.

  The doctor's household enjoys nothing of this sweet immunity. Adisturbing factor is within it that makes the thunderous knocks of oldpale into insignificance.

  When the telephone first came into the town where our doctor lived hehad one put in his office of course, for if anyone in the world needs a'phone it is the doctor and the people who want him. By and by hebethought him that since his office was several blocks from hisresidence he had better put one in there, too, because of calls thatcome in the night. So it was promptly installed. The doctor and his wifefound their sleep disturbed far oftener than before. People will notdress and go out into the night to the doctor's house unless it isnecessary. But it is an easy thing to step to the 'phone and call himfrom his sleep to answer questions--often needless--and when severalpeople do the same thing in the same night, as frequently happens, it isnot hard to see what the effect may be.

  One day the doctor had an idea! He would connect the two 'phones. Itwould be a handy thing for Mary to be able to talk to him about thenumberless little things that come up in a household without the troubleof ringing central every time, and it would be a handy thing for him,too. When he had to leave the office he could just 'phone Mary and shecould keep an ear on the 'phone till he got back.

  About this time another telephone system was established in thetown--the Farmers'. Now a doctor's clientele includes many farmers, sohe put one of the new 'phones into his office. By and by he reflectedthat farmers are apt to need to consult a physician at night--he mustput in a Farmers' 'phone at home, too. And he did. Then he connected itwith the office.

  When the first 'phone went up Mary soon accustomed herself to itscall--three rings. When her husband connected it with the office therings were multiplied by three. One ring meant someone at the officecalling central. Two rings meant someone calling the office. Three ringsmeant someone calling the residence, as before. Mary found the threecalls confusing. When the Farmers' 'phone was installed and the sameorder of rings set up, she found the original ring multiplied by six.This was confusion worse confounded. To be sure the bell on the Farmers'had a somewhat hoarser sound than that on the Citizens' 'phone, butMary's ear was the only one in the household that could tell thedifference with certainty. The clock in the same room struck the halfhours which did not tend to simplify matters. When a new door-bell wasput on the front door Mary found she had eight different rings tocontend with. But it is the bells of the Telephone with which we areconcerned and something of their story will unfold as we proceed.

  When the doctor was at home and the 'phone would ring he would starttoward the adjoining room where the two hung and stop at the first.

  Mary would call "Farmers'!" and he would move on to the next. Perhaps atthe same instant the tall boy of the household whose ear was no moreaccurate than that of his father would shout "Citizens'!" and the doctorwould stop between the two.

  "_Farmers'!_" the wife would call a second time, with accrued emphasis.Then she would laugh heartily and declare:

  "Any one coming in might think this a sort of forum where orations werebeing delivered," and sometimes she would go on and declaim:

  "Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears--my husband has borrowedmine."

  So the telephone in the doctor's house--so great a necessity that wecannot conceive of life without it, so great a blessing that we arehourly grateful for it, is yet a very great tyrant whose dominion isabsolute.

  I had a pleasing picture in my mind in the writing of this chronicle, ofsitting serene and undisturbed in a cosy den upstairs, with all thedoors between me and the 'phone shut tight where no sound might intrude.In vain. Without climbing to the attic I could not get so far away thatthe tintinnabulation that so mercilessly wells from those bells, bells,bells did not penetrate.

  I hope my readers have not got so far away from their Poe as to imaginethat ringing sentence to be mine. And I wonder if a still greater glorymight not crown his brow if there had been telephone bells to celebratein Poe's day.

  So I gave up the pleasant dream, abandoned the cosy den and came downstairs to the dining room where I can scatter my manuscript about on thebig table, and look the tyrants in the face and answer the queries thatarise, and can sandwich in a good many little odd jobs besides.

  Through a doctor's telephone how many glimpses of human nature and howmany peeps into the great Story of Life have been mine; and if, whilethe reader is peeping too, the scene suddenly closes, why that is theway of telephones and not the fault of the writer.

  And knowing how restful a thing it has been to me to get away from theringing of the bell at times, I have devised a rest for the reader alsoand have sent him with the doctor and his wife on an occasional countrydrive where no telephone intrudes.

  E. M. F.

  Robinson, Ill.

  The Story of a Doctor's Telephone